By: Lanisha Porter
Rise to the occasion
“You’re the perfect girl for me but”…. translated this means: “I’m not disciplined enough to commit.” I don’t think men understand how much of an insult it is to tell a woman that. It sounds like a polite suggestion that she is lacking in something when all in all it is them who is lacking in something—discipline. You can dress it up as beautifully as you’d like but it’s still complete bullshit. Here’s why—I understand that men love to conquer; they crave power and they do not admit to defeat. A microcosm of history shows that for men to give in it takes about two atomic bombs and 130,000 casualties, and then they will surrender to their weaknesses. I know that men are fighters.
As a Louisvillian, I remember March 31, 2013 the city-wide slogan became “Rise to the Occasion” after Kevin Ware suffered a compound fracture in his right leg during the Elite Eight game—two games before the championship finish. Unfortunately for Ware’s teammates this was a great opportunity interrupted by such an untimely incident. However, I doubt any of those Pitino-trained basketball players rejected the chance to play by saying “this experience is perfect for me but…” Nope, I highly doubt it. Despite how nervous or unprepared any of them may have felt—even under such tough circumstances—they chose to rise to the occasion. In my perspective you don’t give up perfect; you rise up to the occasion if you feel you are falling short. This is why, in all my intelligence, I honestly can’t find it plausible when men say you deserve better than me. If you honestly thought I deserved the best then you would make yourself that best. You wouldn’t non-whimsically appoint someone else to deliver what you feel I deserve. Moreover, if we zoom in do you notice how when it’s a woman it becomes…“I can’t”, but when it’s a sport it becomes “I’m determined”? Men then suddenly have the greatest capacity to control their willpower but when it’s a woman their capacity for willpower is oh so limited.
Undisciplined = Dysfunction
A tiny seed has potential to grow into a mighty maple so whatever you plant in your spirit, rest assure that it will grow to be mighty. I noticed an ongoing dysfunction that stood to be common in almost every guy that came along and asked for my hand. I thought maybe something was wrong with me because this many men couldn’t be this "off" but even after self-evaluation I still found these men were morally bankrupt—partly influenced through channels of social media and also music. What bothered me the most is that they accepted it. They stood unashamed in their lack of discipline. The guys recite Drake lines like "I'm a K-9 at heart, I'm a dog" but fail to fix their mistakes and consciously commit sin after sin. More sadly, they expect the “perfect” women to wait on them and put ourselves on reserve in case they ever finally get it right. I credit this to be because they are socially conditioned to believe their desires are stronger than their willpower. They believe it’s only in their nature to dismiss the perfect girl for multiple girls they can have their fun with.
As a philosopher major I found Socrates’ account of the soul to best support my reasoning in why most men will walk away from the “perfect girl”.
Socrates believes the soul is divided into three parts:
1) Reasoning which is consideration for the whole (The perfect girl is thought of here)
2) Appetite which is consideration for the self (Multiple girls are thought of here) and
3) Spirit which is a composite of emotions more aligned with reason and distanced from the appetites. (Yet again the perfect girl reigns here)
All three work together in function but not without conflicts. When I hear guys acknowledge the right girl that they should be honoring but choose to stray toward dishonor and lust, this only enforces Socrates idea about the parts of the soul being in a civil war. I've come to determine that it's only natural that this civil war will occur, and the part containing appetites (the yearning for multiple girls) may over-power all else. If a man cannot discipline his appetites he will constantly dismiss the "perfect girl". For a man the body is a hindrance to the part of his soul that wants to act within reason. I argue this because senses of the body such as sight crave pleasure often taking men off course from reason and spirit. In this they fail to seek the truth, stay faithful and stay disciplined and end up telling that "perfect girl" "you are perfect, but".
They're not really sorry
Not to sound like a victim but each time I think about how I’ve lost to selfish-appetites I can get angry. How could so many men pass up the precious diamonds imprisoned in my heart with God’s light clearly shining through like a prism? How could they miss my beauty—beauty not imprinted at the stroke of a make-up brush but the beauty that shines because I am a person who steps over ants; I am a girl who stops in my tracks to thank God every time I see his beautiful moon; breath-takingly beautiful because I take time to feed the homeless, entirely beautiful because for so many years I have saved the best of myself for a man I have never even met yet. So when a guy tells me he’s sorry but he can’t find it in himself to love all of me, I moreso feel sorry for him that he hasn’t yet discovered the man Christ has called him to be.
How do you give up Perfect?
Overall my experience with guys has been awakening, to say the least. I’ve learned women and men are socially conditioned differently. Men are allowed to fulfill all their sexual desires and are convinced it’s a part of their genetic make-up. Comparatively, women are taught to suppress our sexual desires and are reminded we can control our hormones in a capacity that men cant. Ultimately this creates a reality where men indulge in all their appetites not being mindful who they hurt in the process. For me when I think of love I think of the highest level of human safety. I imagine a ferocious spirit that baptizes you in elation and it can survive any obstacle. It is always truly unfailing.
When you love something you have a deep and intrinsic inclination to honor it despite any temptation, and always respect it. If you are like me and are often told you’re just too much: too intimidating, too mature or too good don’t be discouraged. That says more about him than it ever will about you. It tells you not to let him lead because he wouldn’t lead like Moses anyways; it tells you he doesn’t have a keen eye for detail like Noah did so he would have never appreciated all the details about you anyway; and most importantly it tells you unlike Abraham his faith was wavering and he never planned to work past the “but” anyway. In all of this I answered my own question…I know how men give up perfect. They give up “perfect” when God doesn’t grant them the key that accesses the deadbolt to the missing piece of your perfection. When someone can walk away from you it was never meant for them to walk with you and you shouldn’t aim to be any less “perfect” because of it.
Welcome to my views from this horizon!