When He's In His Twenties

by: Lanisha Porter

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​Do you know the difference between an acorn and a human being? I do.

But I want you to think about it…
 
 
Give it some time.
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Alright, do you got it?

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The difference is the ability to choose. The acorns nature is antecedent to choice. It has already been determined that the destiny of an acorn will grow to be an Oak Tree. However, the human doesn’t have a predetermined destiny. By having the ability to choose and make decisions, we are free to create our own destiny.

​When men are young I have discovered that they will make many poor choices which again is reflective of their ability to choose more so than their age.
They will:
Lie.
Cheat.
Misuse and undervalue women.
Deceive.
Cut corners.
Be promiscuous.
Mislead.
Manipulate and
Be selfish.
 
And, yet, so often, I hear people vouch for guys especially young men, who are in their 20s, and say “he doesn’t know any better because he is still young.” But here is why although I acknowledge it, don’t accept it. Because we humans are agents of free will, none of the behaviors above are natural or predetermined. They are all actions voluntarily practiced. So if a man cheats, he is not naturally a cheater, he chooses to cheat. He put a level of deliberation into it…A level of thought…and a conscious effort to, again, choose to do it.  And, although it seems small, to choose anything is a pretty powerful action. To choose means to evaluate the pros and cons of something and commit to an option based on your analysis.
 
The reason it is important for young women to know that men have free will is so they don’t go around making deductions on how they should be treated, by believing its in a mans nature to mistreat them. It is not a biological destiny that men need more than one woman; it is simply a very selfish preference.
 
One thing that ranks high on my “he-must-have” list is discipline. I wouldn’t even ever dare entertaining the thought of sharing time with a man who lacks self-discipline. Why? I’m glad you asked. Simply because since humans are free to become whatever we wish through our actions, it is our convictions that keep us from becoming what we don’t wish to be.  If one has convictions—strong beliefs that they lead by—it keeps them from whimsically committing to choices. In a world of free will, having convictions such as discipline, keep us safe from our own weaknesses. Ex: A person who is deeply convicted by the belief of loyalty will not cheat, even in the face of temptation to indulge in sexual pleasures. A person who is deeply convicted by the belief of discipline will honor their diet, even in the face of foods they prohibited from their intake. So in this case, if ever a man tries to justify his shortcomings by saying he wants to do right but his youthfulness overwhelms his ability to do so, know he’s feeding you a bowl of soggy bullsh*t. Though he may be in his 20s which is his first introduction to manhood coming from the land of adolescence, he is still responsible for what he chooses to do. Therefore, the cheating, abusing, manipulating, deceiving, making you feel less than, or underappreciated are not to be excused for the sake of his age. With having the power of free will, he can be whatever he chooses. He has no predetermined destiny. So if he truly wanted to honor you, even in the tender ages of his twenties when he is figuring out what being a man is all about, he would choose to do so. And really, this goes for all men of any age range. Granted, the older you get the deeper your well of experience bottoms to draw from, but whether its 22 or 47, men are in control of their fleshly desires, mental faculties, and will power.  
 
The acorn cannot determine its destiny for it has already been assigned. But for the human, that’s not the case…we get to choose our destiny and the persons we will become through habit.   We also get to choose what it is that we will continuously do. In light of that knowledge, don’t ever make excuses for a man who treats you less than because it is something he has chosen to do and not by accident. Just as well, if ever you feel like you are being treated less than, remember, you too have a free will and can walk away.

Gratefully Yours,
​Lanisha Porter