What You Don’t Want In A Guy

By: Lanisha Porter

Anytime I get the chance to talk to a woman who has been married for some years, I love to pick her brain for words of insight. Recently I had the chance to chat with a woman who had been married for 46 years. I asked her what was the key to their longevity in marriage; She simply told me commitment throughout the good and the bad.

I followed up and told her that my generation doesn’t necessarily love by that rule anymore. There seems to be universal encouragement telling us to obey the impulse to jump ship anytime we feel uncomfortable, unsure, bored, unstimulated, or tired in a relationship.  Here in 2015 we choose to walk away from things that present themselves to be too much of a challenge for our willpower, or our patience. Everything has to bring instant gratification and if it doesn’t then we don’t want it anymore. This isn’t only observable in relationships but also in our day-to-day routines. In college, classes are dropped and majors are changed after one bad grade or one bad test; in friendships people are left behind after one passionate disagreement; and even with employment people will quit after one bad experience. Many people in my generation lack the ability to remain steadfast in their efforts, while staring in the face of tough circumstance.

I have no doubt that today’s relationships continue to be a series of short-lived pleasures, because we live in a culture that doesn’t know commitment past dark times. My highest recommendation to any young woman dating or looking to date, is to make sure you understand that persons willingness to commit. What you don’t want in a guy is someone who is always looking over the next horizon for his next dose of pleasure aside from you. You don’t want someone who is constantly afraid that he is missing something, somewhere else with someone new. You want a guy that stands unflinchingly and is not easily moved at the impulse to jump ship.

Study him and take your time to observe what your guy commits himself to:
-Church: Does he attend regularly AND apply what he has learned? Does he pay tithes and offering?
-School: Does he have a staunch attitude toward school and raising himself into personal elevation by way of education?
-Work: Can he keep a job? What is his employment history?
-Friendship: How long have him and his very best friend been in a friendship? Does he do a good job at fostering the friendship and keeping in touch?
-Family: What role does he play in his family?
-Past relationships: How long have his past relationships been? Why did they end? Was he intentional about initiating the beginning of them or does he say “they just happened?”

The aforementioned are all great indicators of someone’s ability to remain steadfast because nothing can be perfect; there are times when we all second-guess our churches, think of slacking off in school, quitting our jobs, ending our friendships, and/or isolating ourselves from our families, but if you can sail on and not jump overboard because of a little discomfort…that’s when you count yourself in for great success.