By: Lanisha Porter
If you've opened this I imagine it's because you've been hurt, and it has literally knocked the breath out of your body. Maybe the pain has even went so far to bring you to your knees pleading with God to never let anything like that happen again. Perhaps you've even started slacking in classes, and have been distracted from being the best you you know you should be. You want to put everything off for another day when you actually feel like it. I've been there. It's no fun picking up shattered pieces of your heart or your pride. But guess what? The same hand that has written even the greatest moments of your life has also written this for you. You just have to go through it. Not because you deserve it or the world is punishing you, but because it's the very making of who you're supposed to be.
This fire you feel that burns is indeed crafting you. The pressure is producing everything you need. This whole painful experience is crafting you to be particularly distinct from any other woman that walks this earth. You now have a very unique set of informed insights, as well as new wisdom, strength, and tolerance. Right now, you may feel stupid because you loved and you lost in front of everyone. You finally suspended your guard and lent the best of yourself to someone and they disappointed you. And now you want to withdraw yourself from the world and probably never lend yourself again.
I'm here to tell you to stop feeling stupid. Absolutely stop it. No more being so self-critical. You should feel empowered. Why? Because YOU LOVED. You took a chance at one of the highest and most exhilarating experiences in the entire world. You are extremely rare. You were actually brave enough to sacrifice your pride in exchange for love. You focused on dispensing your most pure and authentic form of love. Once when I loved I felt as though I achieved an enlightenment that most people who safeguard their prides will never reach. It's almost equivalent to climbing Mount Everest—you need many laudable traits to complete the challenge. Women like you and I are invaluable because we don't recycle fear, resentment, or hopelessness of being hurt or from being hurt. We are optimistic. We are not easily broken. We can love persons, who on the surface, don't even seem deserving. Though we are eventual, we are extremely patient, forgiving, and our capacity to love isn't quickly detoured by shortcomings. We can dive deep into even the worst of people and still find pearls to show them about themselves. That's a powerful gift to possess. When you truly look at love at length, it is everything but easy and isn't for the faint of heart. That's why women like us keep this world in balance. We make up the soul of the universe because of how we can love.
Love, undeniably, transforms and transcends. It doesn't always have happy endings but you can't deny the power it carries. You can't deny the way in which it transformed you. You can't ignore the new strength you've gained because of it. Stop worrying yourself. Take the pressure off yourself and just trust that God has it figured out in a way you can't--not even on your best day. Our sight is limited. God is limitless. Let him use his extended vision and wisdom to guide you.
At first it seems unnatural not to be in touch with someone who was such an integral part of your life. It's unfamiliar to go to bed alone or not have them call around the times they usually did. It hurts even more to have to revise the plans you all made regarding the near future. Ultimately, it's different to be alone again. But find peace in this time alone. Don't be unfair to yourself by coloring the world black and white. Believe in the colors, still. Listen to enriching music. Read books that stimulate your imagination. Lend yourself to service that involve missions bigger than yourself. Meditate. Pray. Cry. Grieve. Surround yourself with warrior women who help you cope. But most of all, reinvent that energy into something positive.
There is life after this pain. It was the most painful thing to be told no as a kid. It was so unfair to be denied of our hearts desires. But soon after, we either got something totally better or our desire for that thing digressed. Well, this is the same lesson you're being asked to remaster. Just on a more complicated level. The cosmic energy of the world has a way of testing what we have learned along the way, before advancing us onward and upward. Breathe. Regulate your pulse and know this isn't the end. In fact, it's the beginning to a more resilient you. And unreflectively, people often undermine what resilience means. It means you get struck with adversity but you keep standing. You stand unflinchingly; you don't admit to defeat. You give a continued effort no matter how damaged your spirit is, no matter how afraid you are, and no matter how things change. In resilience you say this is going to make me stronger and you keep looking forward no matter what!
The organization of the universe is not something you can control. You can only control the way in which you react to its events. Above all that happens, keep your smile sweetheart. He may even move on before you and get a new love. Still wish him well. Just because your happiness feels delayed doesn't mean he doesn't deserve to pursue happiness. The new woman also deserves happiness, even if it came at the expense of your sadness. Though many women like to believe we live in isolation we don't. We are all linked, inseparably, by the single cord of femininity. I try hard to support other women simply because if you are a woman, you are going to face the same exact things, as a woman, I face. But the key is this, once you find inner peace you will be unbothered by all else outside of you. You will also come to the realization that the energy you invest in making yourself miserable by dwelling, carries the same amount of power needed to pick yourself up. I promise you, God who is the author of all time, and the designator of all things has not forsaken you.
So to the woman in pain who reads this, I end with this: Be good to yourself. Don't be too self-critical and know all storms are temporary. You deal with the world from the level of your soul, so only allow good things to deeply penetrate your spirit. Think good thoughts and imagine good possibilities for the future. Zoom in on the good in life. It's there; even if it's buried under the pain. In time it will get better. Proceed forth with kindness. No need to be ugly toward him, his family or mutual friends. Always leave a trail of glitter behind you. Glitter has a surviving trace that leaves remnants not easily disposed nor forgotten. Be glitter. Shimmer unapologetically. Don't feel stupid. Take time to heal, and feel EMPOWERED that you earned the badge of honor to say you loved.
Everything will turn out fine in time. Believe me.
Welcome to my views from this horizon!