BY: LANISHA PORTER
It is this awareness, in fact, that evokes me to live my life with very pointed intention. I understand death to be a natural and necessary progression of the human experience. Admittedly, death itself isn’t something that scares me. In fact, death is a quiet constant steadily lurking in the recesses of my mind with each car drive, every plane ride, and every step outside my front door. It is this awareness, in fact, that evokes me to live my life with very pointed intention. I understand death to be a natural and necessary progression of the human experience. And yet while death doesn’t scare me, it’s the random chance of its unwarned swarm that I find unsettling. It can strike at any moment, being non-discriminatory in whom it kisses. That’s the part that startles me. On to the story…over the years I’ve caught many flights. So many I couldn’t retrace the count with my most valiant effort. Most of them have been so non-descript due to their routine and smooth sailing. But this one was different. The flight began just like any other flight I’ve caught many times over. We were about fourth in line for departure on the runway. Afterwhile, it was our turn for takeoff. Soon, I felt the wheels of the plane skating beneath us with full-powered acceleration putting Bernoulli’s law of aerodynamics into effect which is that the air pressure creates lift for the plane. Gliding into the ascends of the sky, I felt the aircraft climbing and leveling out per the usual. I then did what I usually do…engaged my attention with whatever entertainment I’d packed along for my trip. This time I chose the playlist I curated just hours before. Plugging in my air pods, I bricked myself into a screen of privacy pulling down my sunglasses. After about 15 minutes in, my makeshift enclosure was shattered when my sky carrier was brushed with a canon of blunt force. Shaken out of my trance I snatched my glasses off of my face to assess what could be my worst suspension. Unable to rely on my own senses that were now coursing with fear, I wasn’t able to feel if the plane was gliding or falling. I did feel, however, my body’s natural response to the sudden stress that was now resulting in the pounding of my heart. My order of thoughts were rapidly firing. The most forefront thought in my consciousness was: I can’t believe this is going to happen to me. I had felt turbulence before, but my confidence was unraveling the more I realized this turbulence was lasting longer than what I understood to be normal from past experience. Hopelessly, I began to look around to wordlessly confirm what I believed to be happening: the plane was crashing. My order of thoughts were rapidly firing. The most forefront thought in my consciousness was: I can’t believe this is going to happen to me. Followed by, I’m going to perish entrapped in this capsule away from the outside world who will aimlessly wonder if I was aware of my impending fate; and, they’ll never know that I was. Next, I curiously wondered what it would feel like to have my consciousness slip from life to the muted reality of death. My last hopeful thought then was, perhaps if I quickly change the culture of my thoughts then that would wield with it the power to change what’s happening, if not just putting me at peace as it does. I chose to lean into the latter thought. As much as I could see from a socially-distanced airplane—abiding by the global pandemic precautions that is COVID-19—I didn’t see anyone seemingly experiencing any distress. Believe me when I tell you, their lack of reaction offered its own safe harbor of relief for me. This was the first of few times I genuinely appreciated someone not sharing in my telegraphed panic. Put at ease by the non-expressions from the surrounding passengers a calm washed over me. It was then that I was reassured of this little piece of information ushering in a peace of mind: it was just a bad turbulence, after all. I was going to be just fine. Once I got to the island I arrived to rainfall and haze sprinkled through the air. I figured the weather had thwarted my plans forfeiting any chance of fun for the day. Dampened in my spirit, I felt a prickle of doubt bubble in my gut. Was this going to be a good trip, afterall? Would everything turn out okay…? Would I be fine? Would this put a wrinkle in my vacation? Rain is God’s way of watering the earth; His blessing of vegetation to the fields. A sure way to keep everything growing. When I was greeted by my host at the Topaz Dream House, met with the warmest smile she could offer—her dimple ripping through her cheek—I remember she said something that would re-energize my perspective: “Welcome to Jamaica! It has rained today so everything is all nice and clean for you.” I, then, had an aha moment! “It has rained today so everything is all nice and clean for you,” ricocheted through the airways of my mind impressing upon me a deeper sentiment. Rain does rinse things. Of course it is nice and clean outside. Rain is God’s way of watering the earth; His blessing of vegetation to the fields. A sure way to keep everything growing; A promise to the manifestation of seed. Spiritually, it’s also a confirmation that God hasn’t sealed closed the heavens drawing up His blessings from His children. Rain, indeed, is not only good but it is also kind and merciful. So why was I almost willing to underestimate my entire trip because it began with God’s outpouring? Hmmmm. I reckon because my perception, at best, was short-sided… Perception is everything—something I continue to learn. Your perception is the choice that votes on the experiences you will have. It influences the gratitude you do or do not allow to flow through you. My verdict on my life is that I live a really good one. Not a perfect one but one that I’ve learned to make work for me. These days, some measures that prove evident of God’s goodness in my life are: I’m healthy and well. My family and friends largely trek alongside the blessings of good health. I have an active and present support system that spans far and wide. I have endeavors that meet my needs and basic welfare. I’ve been privileged with the time to meet the next generation in my bloodline having welcomed a great niece and recently, a great nephew. And most of all—what I am most grateful for—I have answers to the questions I once begged to know. It’s almost as if I’ve “finally” lived enough life to now have a credible file cabinet that allows me to reference through an index of experiences deciding how to handle things when they come up. Be it work-drama, family dysfunction, personal betrayal, romantic break ups, self-discovery, financial literacy, grief, or heck, even home maintenance, I’ve been able to develop an approach through the test and trials of past experiences. And honestly there’s a real freedom I’ve found in that; in not being easily distempered or shaken for lack of knowing. There’s a confidence in being able to trust yourself and drum up solutions. It’s small victories, but in them carries the power to help the world feel a bit less scary and makes life feel a lot more doable. I suppose it’s actually just a God-given clarity, really. Life is just like that. It can be scary as hell in those moments of panic but those moments are just moments, a stretch of time sure to pass. In this blog post, it is my hope that these words can be strung together to be a tapestry of meaning, helping you to remember this: worry about nothing. Why? Because you’ll live your way into the answer eventually. Do not drain the best of your “now” consumed with a tomorrow that will unhurriedly come. Worrying only invites the instinct to magnify a prolonged view of our problems, all the while never solving them. And in your twenties you tend to worry a lot. Your twenties can be especially hard because sometimes you can feel so full of promise yet devoid of knowing “your purpose” or even where to begin to use your gifts. It takes time to figure out a practical plan that will work for you. And all the while, when you realize you don’t have a lead for life’s big questions it can render you to feel hopeless for your lack of answer. I know how that feels... When the old folk used to tell me don’t worry about things, I knew the platitude was well-meant but the more pragmatic part of myself couldn't accept the offering. I worried a lot. I worried about college, I worried about love, I worried about my success, I worried about people's opinions of me, I worried about family, I worried about money; invested in the outcomes, I worried about everything I didn't have an immediate fix to. I’ve always been very serious about somehow converting my disadvantages into having a leg up in the world, and rarely have I ever gone left of that itinerary. But even I have had to humble myself to learn this: things are going to turn out so let them. Remember when I talked about my scare on the plane? How for those troubling seconds I was left at the mercy of time to understand what was actually happening? Life is just like that. It can be scary as hell in those moments of panic but those moments are just moments, a stretch of time sure to pass. The scary will pass. The hard will pass. The pain will pass. The uncertainty will pass. Everything, in time, will pass. And if you surrender yourself to the experience, it is likely that the answer you need will crystallize and puncture it’s way into your understanding. As I was leaving Jamaica, I was given the salutation, “Don’t watch nuttin’.” Decrypt from its Patois dialect, it means don’t worry about anything; keep your eyes set ahead. I offer to you today: don't watch nuttin’! Thanks for reading!
5 Comments
India
2/24/2021 08:46:34 pm
I loved this blog, Lanisha is such a powerful, and inspirational writer, I love how she pours from experience.
Reply
Danielle
2/24/2021 11:10:25 pm
Beautifully Written Lanisha! So powerful and poised. I love how this blog reminds us to be patient during the storms of life and know that “This too shall pass.”
Reply
Evan
2/25/2021 05:25:49 pm
Living life without proper conclusion it’s most people’s biggest fear about death. Most people dont speak about the clarity you sometimes feel when you think the end is nigh. I think if we use it as a guiding force then we all can be fulfilled hopefully before our time here is done. Volunteer that time in the community. Read that book. Learn that language. Plant those trees. Cook that special dish. Take that trip. Reach out and help someone. Time is our most expensive resource and we should be wise where we spend it. After I cross my next ocean I will definitely be deliberate with where I invest. But until then I won’t worry about anything either because it will all turn out as it should.
Reply
Marcola
2/26/2021 07:04:34 am
👏🏽👏🏽 Loved every second of this. Changing your perception is everything. It may start off rough but it doesn’t mean it will end that way. Keep up the great work Lanisha! ❤️
Reply
Asia
2/26/2021 08:45:22 am
Your words really touched me. I resonated with a lot of what you spoke about and it was very refreshing to hear someone else speak and bring insight to some of the bigger things I’ve struggled with in the past. Thank you for what you do love. Keep it going girl!
Reply
Leave a Reply. |
lanisha porterWelcome to my views from this horizon! Archives
November 2021
Categories
All
|