By: Lanisha Porter
Recently, I had to slip on my big girl panties. I had to self-reflect and honestly assess my new reality as an adult which was that I felt largely uncomfortable by those around me. Truth be told, if I could, I’d take all my friends with me—past and new. To me, friendships are precious keepsakes and summations of where we’ve been in life. I’ve always valued friendships and bonds believing that they edify and make our lives more rich throughout our human experience.
I’ve never been good at excluding others, or ignoring them. The aforesaid warrants me to work really hard at being absent, distant, and emotionally detached. But needless to say, life has forced me to learn how. Everybody truly can’t go with you (something I still struggle to accept afraid of seeming condescending). I’ve kinda always opted to believe that somehow, maybe, I could bypass the natural evils of growth life brings causing us to evict those we consider friends, by avoiding those important questions. The questions every adult needs to meditate on when deciding or rearranging their group:
1) Can I trust them?
2) Do they have my best interest at heart?
3) Are they honest with me?
4) What do we cherish in common?
Upon asking myself these questions, I realized that a great sum of attendees at past dinner parties were simply that...dinner party guests. Keepsakes that need not be kept anymore. Not my confidants. Opportunely, life had afforded me the experiences and answers to realize not everyone around my tables were trustworthy...or practitioners of the things I believe. With this information, there was a sober truth reaffirmed—everybody can’t go.
It was here I realized the importance of doing the “dirty-work.” Asking yourself the questions that may result in you losing people you wanted to keep around. The older I get, the more I prioritize the value of privacy, and securing the perimeters of my circle with people I can truly trust. As someone who naturally wants to build long tables so that everyone can have a seat, I’m unlearning accessibility to learn how to build higher walls. Why? Simply because not everyone deserves a seat at the table of your destiny.
Welcome to my views from this horizon!