By: Lanisha Porter
You out of all people should be afforded the space to have a say in your relationship and how it goes. In a healthy relationship you should feel safe enough to speak up about how you feel, what you want, and what you need. In the case you are in a relationship and in fact do not get to have a say so in it, I beg you to get out. I beg you to do this because you actually aren’t in a relationship; you’re in emotional solitary confinement. Perhaps you aren’t accountable for finding yourself there, but you are accountable to get out and discover better for yourself.
One way a dominant person in a relationship will try to assert their power is through manipulation. Perhaps they may make you feel as though you have options to express yourself; however, in expressing yourself they impose extreme alternatives on you. Maybe they ask you to move out, threaten to break up with you, or warn that if you keep making the same requests you’re going to upset them.
Abuse in relationships takes place in many forms. It may not always be physical or verbal. But it can be also be psychological, emotional, sexual and even financial. Particularly, in this blog entry, I am focusing on psychological and emotional abuse. Whenever you are in a relationship and you are forbade from having an opinion, or offering your feelings you are experiencing abuse. One way a dominant person in a relationship will try to assert their power is through manipulation. Perhaps they may make you feel as though you have options to express yourself, but upon expressing yourself they impose extreme alternatives on you. Maybe they ask you to move out, threaten to break up with you, or warn that if you keep making the same requests you’re going to upset them. Through strategic manipulation, they have subconsciously implied to you that if you keep having a voice, you will be punished in some form. So, naturally, to avoid any “punishments” or further discomforts, you become quieter…in hopes you can maintain what’s there. You become quieter in hopes you’ll be more tolerant. More easy to like. More easy to love. Maybe even more easy to marry. The thing about this is that the more one stays quieter, the more you slip away from your true self. You become attached to supporting an idea of happy, instead of actually being happy. Being in a relationship where you cannot be your truest self will not work for long. It will be self-suffocating. It will paralyze growth. Resentment and agitation will soon take root, and you will learn the hard way what I’m telling you in this very moment: being quiet isn’t a requirement to be loved. If intimidation renders you speechless, you really should leave. And if you’re struggling to leave let me help you…if someone truly loved you, they would want to hear your concerns. If they don’t want to hear your concerns, they don’t love you. Why stay in love with someone who doesn’t love you? It’s really that simple. Abuse isn’t a passage to love. You are strong enough to leave…you just have to believe that you are. Fear doesn’t make for a comfortable home so don’t settle your bags there thinking you have to. Besides, the time you spend staying quiet for them, is time stalled on meeting the one who has been dreaming of hearing all you have to say.
Welcome to my views from this horizon!