Why Books Really Should Come Before Boys

by: Lanisha Porter

Photographer: Gary Barragan 
www.garybarragan.com/headshots

Upon the release of my first book, "Things I Never Talk About", I used the slogan "Books
​Over Boys" to promote a very important takeaway I had hoped all the young ladies would keep long after reading my book. This takeaway was to prioritize the establishment of self before investing heavily into any romantic relationships. Far too often I see young women undercut their own opportunities and opt to be a relationship.

They abandon all possibilities for self-development to work on a "we-development" with their "lovers." The problem with this is that you're often left unprotected if the worse were to happen. Things change, people change, and relationships end. In the face of this truth, it's so important to show up for yourself and have your own stability. A great vehicle that leads to a state of stability is having an education. Education is a tool for survival that is needed to live in this world. Therefore, neglecting your education is literally a severe threat to your survival. Which is why I don't condone nor endorse  any young woman lying down her educational pursuits in the name of love or a relationship. Even more important, as African Americans  the legacy of slavery has predetermined an unfortunate reality for many of us. That is that majority of us don't own any wealth. We don't have assets that have stored value that appreciate over time. Many of us lack stability and economic freedom to live comfortably.

Most disturbingly, most blacks cannot pass on any assets to our future generations. Not because we don't want to, but it's because we have nothing to pass down. We have cars , homes, and jewelry but those things possess very limited value. Granted, you have your Talented Tenth of the African-American race like the Beyonces, Jay-Zs, P.diddys, Ursula Burns, Dr.Dres, Barack and Michelle Obamas, and Oprahs whose lineage will mostly inherit tremendous wealth, but they are the outliers. So in light of this information, to a degree, you have a moral obligation to honor your future lineage by giving present glass ceilings your best fist punch so you may burst through, in hopes they can soar to freedom. Each time you choose to advance further in your education, you are pounding on those glass ceilings. Each time you equip yourself with a skill to become more competitive and marketable, it's a harder pound on those glass ceilings. However, each time you choose to make plans for love and not your own empowerment, you are LITERALLY planning to fail and fail your descendants. Serious relationships, undeniably, take a lot of energy, emotional investments, attention, and continuous efforts to nurture, which consequently, often times, take away from other areas in your life. Giving that much of yourself away, especially at such fragile and impressionable ages, can be  extremely risky.  That said, whenever I chant "Books Over Boys",  I'm not male-bashing or saying I hate men. Rather, I'm proclaiming that I'd love to pass on something more than debt to the seeds of my legacy. And that's why I regularly choose books over boys who are sure to change like the colors of the wind. Boys are not the vehicle to success. Your own efforts and investments in self are! And that's why books really should come before boys. ​

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In high school I decided to secure as many possibilities as I could for myself by opting not to date. I like to believe that as a result of being mindful of where I invested my efforts, energies, and time I was able to be this decorated on my graduation day from high school. I graduated in the top 3% of my class with 7 honors, perfect attendance, a 4.0 GPA, and over $100,000 offered to me in scholarships. Had I been in and out of serious relationships, I'm sure my dedication to my education would have been lesser.