When You're Tired of Getting it Wrong After Doing Everything Right

By: Lanisha Porter

There’s always that blog or that motivational video that tells you what you did wrong that caused your relationship to fail. You know…

You rushed into it…you didn’t pray about it…you ignored the red flags…and/or you compromised on the values you really shouldn’t have.

But where’s the blog that speaks to the ones that did everything right but you still failed. You didn’t rush; matter of fact you almost stalled the relationship because you were waiting for your prayers to be returned. You weren’t quiet about the red flags you saw. You were a team player but you weren’t a pushover…and yet you STILL. Got. It. Wrong!! “How did this happen?” You wonder in frustration.

May I offer this?

Perhaps it’s not about doing everything right to bypass ever experiencing heartbreak. Perhaps it’s only about allowing ourselves to be positioned for our final purpose, by different people, over a course of time. Philosopher Kierkegaard, has once said that life can only be understood backwards but must be lived forward. Maybe, at some time, if we collectively line up every relationship that didn’t work, and every person that hurt us, there’s a series of lessons to have gained, to be used to position us for our purpose, if we dare apply them. Maybe we’ll notice a series of lessons that can help us not only develop our personal philosophies, but CEMENT and anchor those very philosophies to make sure they aren’t just suggestions but are INDEED our true values.

You say you believe in self-respect? Well to trust how sturdy your idea of self-respect is, it must be tested, right? Maybe that’s what that one relationship… (you know what relationship I’m talking about) was meant to test. That relationship perhaps wasn’t meant to wed you off into happily ever after, but it was only meant to reveal to you the unexplored parts of yourself with someone who would be sure to make the lesson painful and memorable, so you could be sure to never forget.

You see we set sail to certain seas convinced we can handle it. Convinced that it will be smooth sailing. Honestly convinced that those self-philosophies that sounded good to govern ourselves by would be easy to stick to. But see…we decide most of this without a test. We decide these ambitions that we will be the best girlfriends and boyfriends/wives and husbands before we are ever met with the waves of temptation. And maybe that’s why although we try everything so desperately hard to get it right, still get it “wrong.” Because it’s not about bypassing the sandpaper scratches of love, it’s about the final form you will assume after having endured those sandpaper grazes. It’s about the wisdom acquired, the knowledge learned, the faith developed, the strength augmented, your ability to love beyond condition, your willingness to be grateful, and your integrity as a human being. So for the one who prays and still feels delayed, to the observant one who notes the plays but still gets played, to the one who’s patient but your patience is running thin…know this: you are being positioned for your purpose in all ways, at every passing second of your day. And what a shame it will be to look back in hindsight and see that because you allowed yourself to be discouraged from participating in developing for your purpose, you don’t find yourself in the right position. And in understanding this, just like the supervisor who must release the laborer who is punching out on the time clock after their shift, you will relinquish those with grace who served their time to help position you for your greater purpose. And who knows…your “purpose” could be getting closer with each time you chastise yourself for getting it “wrong.”   So for each time you’re tired of getting it wrong, will you please trust that it’s only happening to put you in the position to finally get it right?

That should help you some! 

Let's talk again soon... (:

-Lanisha